Dís had been off arguing with her brother that morning. He had asked her for her opinion on something and as usual she had given him her answer. However, this time he didn't exactly like what she had to say. So therefore she had to point out that it was him who had asked for her help not her asking him if he had needed help. He responded with asking her why she always seemed to ask more questions when she was answering one. And she'd replied that it was the only way to give him an honest answer.

Anyways, she wasn't feeling quite happy as she walked through the halls of Erebor. She'd passed a few dwarves and dwarrowdams that Saud hello to her as she walked by. But since she was deep in her own thoughts, she didn't reply to a single one. Soon she found herself in her room staring at a spot on the wall. She found herself wondering if the answer she'd given Thorin had actually been the right one. Or was it wrong and she just simply had wanted it to be right so she could get away from him?

Shaking her head, Dís got up and left her room not five minutes after she had found herself inside. She began walking around again, not really caring where she was going (as long as it was relatively interesting or there were interesting people to talk to). She was in a few different spots in Erebor (none of them interesting in any sort of way) before she ended up back in the throne room.

It had been a very trying day and above all, Fíli was tired. Lóni's harsh and continuous remarks on how appalling Fíli's manner of expressing himself to officials through various had almost been enough to make Fíli snap angrily back at his tutor. But Fíli had said not a word to Lóni and mindlessly did as he was told to do. Lóni had left him a few minutes ago now, but Fíli found that he could not think of anywhere he would need to be and so stood alone in the throne room with naught else but his own thoughts.

He remembered a time when he had told himself that when he had proved himself to Thorin, he'd no longer have to be under the watchful eye of all of Erebor's councillors or even Lóni for that matter. He had told himself that as King he could do what he liked- he could give Kíli no duties to attend on any morning so he could do Fíli's braids like he had done when they were young Dwarflings. Or he could ban apples from the halls of Erebor for good so he'd never have to put up with the sight of the dreaded pieces of fruit ever again.

But now he began to understand the limits of being the most powerful man in Erebor.

But it was neither the work, nor the responsibilities nor even the power that scared Fíli most of all about his future. He knew what it was that he feared and looking at it now- shining with the brightness of a hundred stars as it sat arrogantly above the throne- filled the Dwarf-prince with unease and revolt. For whenever he dared lay eyes upon it, he could his his Uncle's voice clear as glass in the back of his mind refusing to help his family in favour of keeping all the gold in the Mountain.

Fíli would never do that. He could never put his family aside. He had visited the vaults of Erebor a thousand times and had never once felt possessive or a lust for any of it. In fact if anything, the sheer size of the wealth they owned was almost enough to make him sick.

But he thought of Kíli. And he thought of how close Fíli had been to losing him on their journey here. How much Fíli needed that bright smile to get him through the longest and most boring of days, how he much calmer Fíli would feel with his brother at his side, how much his family meant to him. He could not imagine a world where none of that would matter to him- and no risk would ever be worth the taking even if it was his duty.

He wanted to cry out in frustration, break something or throw something that was more satisfyingly heavy than the pen in his hand. But Fíli did nothing and with a deep breath, swept all that frustration under the carpet.

He heard someone enter the throne room, and turning to see who it was, he smiled at his mother half-heartedly. "Mother, a pleasure to see you." Fíli said making an effort to sound as pleased as he would have been under most circumstances but he not even did Fíli found himself particularly convincing.

Dís glanced up when Fíli said hello and offered him her own half-hearted smile. Slowly she walked over to stand next to him, but as she did so she studied him. She could tell he wasn't in the mood he normally was, happy and cheerful and fun. Something was bothering him or upsetting/frustrating him. And it wasn't often she saw her eldest son like that. It wasn't often at all, so whenever she did see him like this it made her worry. But then again everything that concerned her boys caused her to worry in one way or another.

"Hello, Fíli, it's a pleasure to see you too. It's been awhile," Dís said as she finally reached him. She made no mention of his demeanor nor was she going to quite yet.

"What brought you in here?" Dís asked tilting her head to the side. It wasn't too often she saw him alone in the throne room. Usually when he was there he was with her stubborn brother and other important figures that resided within Erebor.

(I'm sorry it's not the greatest. It's after midnight here and my brain is pretty much fried and begging fir sleep)

(Not a problem Dee!)

His mother had a habit of worrying about the two of them. He and Kee. It was a trait of hers that had often earned them a clip around the ear when they were younger and Fili and his brother had come back from playing in the woods hours later than they had promised their mother. Though he had always known that no matter how angry she had been with them when they had been a little reckless, it was only because she cared for them.

And looking up at her now, he could see that same worried look in her eyes though she gave a half-hearted attempt to cover it as Fili had done. It was useless pretending that there was nothing on his mind- his mother had probably gathered as much before he had even turned to face her. But he wasn't sure if he could manage to tell her what it was that troubled him so. He was heir to Thorin's throne, and he had never been felt the weight of such a position as much as he did now. But to say that he had no interest in taking the throne, let alone confess that he did not want to be anywhere near it was beyond most people.

Why wouldn't he want it?

To say because he loved his brother more than any jewel or any title he could ever come to possess would not be the answer that one would expect of him. Lóni had told him countless times that a true King put his Kingdom and the will of his people before any of his own desires and feelings. But that was something Fili was beginning to feel he might never be able to do. And he feared for what would become of him and his brother if Fili, like his forefathers, fell to the same sickness as they had.

Would his mother understand? Fili dreaded that she wouldn't.. and he wasn't sure whether holding his tongue and pretending that she was supportive of his position was better than to tell her the truth and risk knowing that his mother would push him to follow in his Uncle's footsteps.

As she asked him what it was that drew him here, he considered whether he ought to tell her..

"Yes it has..." He trailed off slightly as he remained undecided.

Then he lifted his eyes to meet her own and he covered the conflict he felt raging inside him and gave her a smile that reached her eyes. "Lóni and I just finished for the day, and seeing as I had nothing more to do today perhaps we could wander down to the feasting hall together? I could really do with a drink right about now!" He said and offered her his arm. Maybe he just needed to get out of this room and he'd feel a little better.

"And I'm so sorry that it has been so long. I've been meaning to seek you out for a visit one of these days. I suppose I just haven't because we've both been so busy. You with your duties and me with mine," Dís said trying to sound like a mother that wanted to push her son into something that was best for their people.

However, Dís didn't like doing this to her son. She didn't want him to feel as burdened as he no doubt already did as Thorin' s heir. Sometimes she didn't like the fact that her brother put so much on her son. Although she understood why he did it.

Shaking her head, she cleared her mind of such thoughts. No wonder some of the dwarves in Erebor never took her seriously on an issue. She was always contradicting herself and her own feelings.

Finally with a small smile, she looked back up at Fíli and nodded. She couldn't even remember the last time she'd actually had a drink. Offering her oldest son another smile, she carefully took his arm and nodded once more.

"A drink sounds good to me right now too," Dís admitted to him, though she was not going to tell him why.

“The let us hurry lest the feasting hall gets overcrowded” Fíli smiled softly as he offered her his arm to walk her down to the feast. She was usually very good at hiding everything from her children, but she appeared to be a little worn out and stressed at that moment. Fíli assumed that she had been working hard to solve many of the crises that Erebor was faced with- and Fíli knew it was also in her nature to worry a lot.

Fíli was aware that life had never been easy for their mother, having been predominantly marked by loss. Fíli could not even begin to imagine how she had managed to come out on top of it all and be the remarkable dame that she was now. And understanding this, Fíli had always striven to help her bear the heavy load she carried and make everything just that little bit easier for her- he could think of none more deserving of appreciation and a rest than his own mother.

And if helping her meant that he ought to keep his thoughts to himself, then that was a small sacrifice indeed when one considered all she had done for him.

As the two wandered down towards the hall, Fíli found himself struggling to find something to talk about. His mind was brimming with too many thoughts for him to concentrate on any one of them for longer than a few seconds.

It was only as they had sat down and Fíli had ordered for them a couple of goblets of mead that he finally spoke.

“So are you faring well mother? You seem a little tired.” Fíli asked.

Dís made sure to keep a smile on her face as Fili guided her to the feasting hall. She didn't want him to worry about her as he was sure to do if he thought something was troubling her. Because if he did start to worry about her, she'd feel like she was an extra burden to him. One on top of the many that had been placed on his shoulders since Thorin had named her son his heir. Of course he'd tell her that he didn't mind helping her with whatever it was that she needed, but she wouldn't feel right about it. It was already bad enough that she was pushing him to be something she wasn't even sure he wanted to be.

Her head was swimming with its own thoughts as they walked. So she was essentially too busy to notice that Fili was doing the same thing beside her. She was too busy to notice that they'd entered the hall and had sat down until Folk spoke.

"I am indeed a little tired, but you don't need to worry about me. You already have enough to worry about without adding me to the list," Dís replied offering her oldest son a smile.

"How are you faring, Fili?" Dís asked trying to turn the topic of conversation onto him and off of her.

(Yo Dee, can Kíli join the thread?)

“Too busy to even think about my own mother? You must congratulate Lóni for having so successfully kept me occupied all these months but he isn't that efficient.” Fíli gave a small laugh as he took a swig of his drink. Perhaps it was partially thanks to the aid of alcohol but the young Dwarf slowly found it easier to go back to himself and engage in conversation. Of course he knew he wasn't fixing any problems, but forgetting them temporarily seemed like a good alternative.

“I am very well mother, duties are not always particularly exciting but it is an honour to serve the people of Erebor.” He smiled as she asked after him. It had been far too long since they had talked to one another like this and he found it was something he had dearly missed.

“I have found time to spend with Kíli every so often when the crowds of dames became too much for Lóni to bear. Though I suppose that’s to be expected during courting season.” He laughed, deciding to put aside the terror that the sight of such large swarms of dwarrowdams had caused for Fíli and his entourage. “I’ve also managed to make a fair number of friends over the past few months, some more difficult than others but all with hearts in the right place.” Fíli picked out parts of what he had been doing to tell his mother about. He felt a bit like a Dwarfling again- telling his mother about what he had done that day (whether the activity was interesting or not had been irrelevant at the time). 

"I do wish I had something more interesting to tell you about, but there doesn't seem to be much that has had happened this month." He couldn't imagine that much of what he said interested his mother much, but it was nice to share it all with someone.

(Of course)

Dis took a few sips of the mead that had been offered to her as she listened to Fili talk. As she listened, she felt as if Fili was her young dwarfling again. Telling her about the day he'd had after a nice snack she'd made him. To be honest, she missed those times. Those times were easier. She didn't have to worry about making her son worry about her when he had more important things to worry about. All she had to worry about was what her dear brother, Thorin, might have been teaching her young dwarf.

"It's interesting, Fili, to hear about your day. It always has been for me. You ought to know that. But I am glad that you're making friends. Whether they're difficult or not," Dis replied taking another sip of her mead.

"And it's good that you're spending time with your brother. He has missed you. But I feel that I should also tell you, do not choose a dame to court unless she loves you for you....not your position here in Erebor. And of course, you should also believe that she is the one you're meant to be with. You don't have to feel obligated to court anyone," Dis said quietly, knowing that this was probably awkward for her eldest son to listen to. But she spoke the truth of her heart. For she'd known that his father was the one for her almost upon meeting him. She'd known the Vili loved her for who she was as a person. Not for her status.

(Sorry my replies are so short. I usually reply at home, but lately I've been replying while I am in school. Again I am sorry I don't give you much to work with)